The 4 Types of Conversation
and how to navigate them.
Dear reader,
few weeks ago, I finally picked up
’s book called Supercommunicators.Charles articulated something I’d always felt but couldn’t put into words. Why do arguments escalate so quickly—even with the people we care about most? Why do partners, friends, and colleagues often misunderstand each other, hearing things that were never meant?
The answer lies in something surprisingly simple: we’re often having different types of conversations without realizing it.
The 3 Types of Conversations
According to Charles Duhigg, every interaction falls into one of three categories of conversation:
Practical
Emotional
Social
Practical conversations
These focus on solving problems or sharing information. Think of them as the “task-oriented” chats - mostly men are skilled in these, while women hate it. :)
The conversation, where you discuss with your spouse who is picking up kids after school, when you plan your next vacation or when you go grocery shopping.
Emotional Conversations:
Here, feelings take center stage. These conversations are driven by empathy and the need to feel understood.
For example when your spouse comes from work, exhausted and angry and just need to vent out.
3. Social Conversations:
These are about bonding—casual, light-hearted exchanges that help build relationships.
These occur with your friends over a glass of wine, or your spouse when gossiping about your relatives while coming back from a family weekend.
Understanding what type of communication is currently occurring is like knowing the rules of a game before you start playing.
Without them, you’ll misstep, frustrate others, and waste time figuring out what’s happening.
But when you recognize the type of conversation, it’s as if you’ve got the playbook in hand—you can strategize, adapt, and connect without unnecessary friction.
4th type of conversation
However, I found out, that there is one more type of conversation—one that often goes unrecognized. No matter the setup, environment, people, or occasion, this unique form of communication deserves its own category.
It’s frequently overlooked.
Some people even hate it.
But the value it brings is undeniable.
This type of conversation allows you to:
Read people effortlessly.
Understand their motivations, stressors, and fears.
Build faster, deeper connections.
Recognize their natural responses, which you can later compare during moments of stress or conflict.
With this insight, you can adapt your approach to defuse tension, ease frustration, or address fears. You’ll have a database of personal insights at your fingertips—ready to help you navigate interactions with precision and empathy.
Mastering this type conversation means you can connect on a deeper level by framing your words around the topics and challenges people deal with daily.
I am talking about Small Talk.
Before you stop reading, as you consider small talk totally useless and boring, let me share this anecdote with you.
Why Small Talk Matters
I’ve been playing the violin since I was 5 and during my teenage years, I played in an orchestra. Before every concert, we’d do a warm-up, where we’d run through the pieces quickly, set the tone, match the tempo, and get in the right mood.
It was a ritual that got us ready to play our best for the next two hours.
Small talk is like the warm-up act at a concert. It might not be why you showed up, but it sets the tone, eases the mood, and gets everyone ready for the main event.
Without it, jumping straight to the headline act feels abrupt and disconnected. Small talk builds the rhythm that leads to meaningful conversations and deep connections.
While the conversation we are having on a daily basis are mixture of all types and they blend sometimes together, one is always prevalent at a time. Each of these conversations requires different lenses of looking, talking, questions and mindset.
Understanding the type of conversation you’re in helps you connect more effectively and avoid miscommunication. Each type has a unique goal, focus, and approach.
Here’s how to navigate them:
🎯 Practical.
Think of these as “task-oriented” discussions. They’re focused on solving problems, making decisions, or sharing information. Here you can talk about plans, schedules, or alternatives and arguments.
Goal:
To find solutions and make decisions efficiently.
What to Focus On:
Clarity: Be specific and clear about your needs and expectations.
Efficiency: Stick to the topic at hand and avoid unnecessary details.
Organization: Structure the conversation logically, step by step.
What to Avoid:
Overcomplicating: Don’t derail the conversation with unrelated emotions or tangents.
Tone deafness: Avoid dismissing the other person’s concerns, even if they seem minor.
Examples of Questions to Ask:
“What’s the best way to handle this?”
“What’s the next step we need to take?”
“How can we split the tasks to save time?”
🫶🏻 Emotional
These revolve around empathy, feelings, and the need to feel understood. They aren’t about fixing a problem or finding a solution—they’re about offering support. Here you can talk about feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities or fears.
Goal:
To validate emotions and create a safe space for the other person to express themselves.
What to Focus On:
Listening: Give your full attention without jumping to conclusions.
Empathy: Acknowledge their feelings without minimizing or “solving” them.
Patience: Allow them to vent or process their emotions at their pace.
What to Avoid:
Offering solutions too soon: Most emotional conversations don’t need fixing—they need understanding.
Interrupting: Let them finish before you respond.
Examples of Questions to Ask:
“How are you feeling about this?”
“What’s been the hardest part for you?”
“Is there anything I can do to support you?”
🤔 Social
These are casual, relationship-building chats designed to strengthen bonds and foster connection. Here you can talk about hobbies, politics, philosophy, sport, relationships or anything interesting to you or the other one.
Goal:
To bond and create a sense of belonging.
What to Focus On:
Lighthearted topics: Keep the mood casual and fun.
Reciprocity: Share bits about yourself to build mutual trust and understanding.
Curiosity: Show genuine interest in their life and experiences.
What to Avoid:
Dominating the conversation: Make sure it’s balanced and inclusive.
Seriousness: Avoid heavy topics unless invited.
Examples of Questions to Ask:
“What’s something fun you’ve been up to recently?”
“Did you watch that new show everyone’s talking about?”
“What’s your favorite way to unwind after a busy week?”
💬 Small talk
Often dismissed as “shallow,” small talk is actually a powerful tool for building rapport and gathering insights about the person’s motivations, stressors, personality or values. Here you can talk about anything, that might connect you with the other person.- like or
Goal:
To warm up the interaction and lay the groundwork for deeper conversations.
What to Focus On:
Observation: Observe other person’s communication style, personality, values, motivators or stressors.
Curiosity: Show genuine interest in their answers, even if the topic seems mundane by paraphrasing, mirroring, labeling or using dynamic silence. This will show, you really care for other persons and you want to connect and trully understand their beliefs, feelings or views.
What to Avoid:
Overthinking: Small talk isn’t about profound topics—it’s about ease and connection.
Rushing: Don’t skip this step; it’s the foundation for trust.
Examples of Questions to Ask:
“What brought you here today?”
“How’s your day going so far?”
“How do you find this [party, painting, gathering, event…]?”
The Secret to Great Conversations
By understanding the type of conversation you’re in—practical, emotional, social or small talk —you can avoid common pitfalls like miscommunication or escalation.
And by pairing that understanding with curiosity-driven techniques like mirroring, labeling, and silence, you’ll unlock deeper connections and more meaningful relationships.
Whether it’s resolving a disagreement, connecting with a friend, or making your partner feel seen, the magic lies in knowing what type of conversation they need—and showing up with genuine curiosity.
Next time you’re in a conversation, ask yourself:
• Is this practical, emotional, or social?
Am I listening to understand, or just waiting for my turn to talk?
Then, experiment with one of these techniques.
Try labeling when someone vents, or let dynamic silence do the work in a tense moment to dig deep into what's really happening.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly your connections deepen and how others will start perceiving you differently (in a highly positive way :)).
Final Thought
Great communication isn’t about always saying the right thing. It’s about making others feel heard, understood, and valued. Start small.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to see you in the next issue on Saturday DATE.